Rumble: Help. I outsourced my life!

outsourcing life

I don't have to remember how to get anywhere. The sooth-voiced GPS in my car guides me from where I am to where I wanna be, via roads I did not know before.

I don't have to remember meetings. Those who want meetings with me, fill in an electronic form which automatically replicates with my Blackberry, which reminds me 15 minutes before the start. It is widely accepted to miss meetings because someone's Blackberry froze. We then commiserate with the person, feeling real bad for them, as we know the feeling of being Berry-less.

I don't know when my car needs maintenance. My car reminds me, 500 miles before.

I don't carry cash. I just slid a card in a slot. For those backward situations, where I do need cash, I carry some small notes hidden in a secret pocket of my credit card wallet. And then I am not surprised the cashier needs his calculator to see what the change is for a twenty. On a 18.95 sale.

I don't remember names. I remember I met this guy in New York, in 2003. A quick search for the keywords "New York", "2003", and "male" on my PDA tells me who and what he is, and on what topic I met him before. And if I want to connect to his company website. Or update his business card automatically.

I don't have to look for a job. LinkedIn ensures I get at least 10 offers per month.

I hear music on my iPod I have never heard before. I go online with iTunes, and it tells me what I like. I just click "OK". Music is automatically copied to my iPod. I play "Latest Updated" and hear my favorite music. Only a pity that I don't recognize the artist names nor album titles.

Likewise, Amazon reminds me when new books by my favorite authors are published. Their names don't ring a bell, though.

I don't remember how to spell. Microsoft word auto-corrects my errors.

My Blackberry (that thing again!), makes different noises, dependent which email it receives. If it comes from my boss, it makes a "whoopwhoop" noise.

I don't read manuals. I try things. I don't read instructions on a website, I just click haphazardly. If I don't get what I want, I try another website. Choice plenty.

I don't have an opinion. Before commenting, I check CNN to see the latest poll. I always make up my mind after consuming several 3G or GPRS megabytes.

Loads of electronic services I use, are password protected Passwords are remembered by my browser. I only have to click 'OK'.

I don't have to remember to contribute to charity. It is deducted from my checking account automatically.

My cellphone remembers the birthday of my mum and dad better than I do.

Facebook tells me who are my friends. I don't recognize half of their thumbnail pictures, though. I have new friends every day.

I don't have to speak to people. I email them. I vaguely remember the name of the guy in the office next door. But I bet ya, I had an email fight with him. Or at least blindcopied him on some stuff he outta know. If only I would remember what the issue was about. Then again, my intelligent Email search engine can tell me in a moment.

I know I am fired once my electronic badge no longer works.

I don't have to visit places to learn. Wikipedia tells me all what I need to know. Google Earth shows me the sights better than in real life. And faster. And cheaper! Linked with Flickr and Panoramio, it shows better pictures I could ever take. And above all, the weather is always perfect on those, contrary to real life.

I don't have to put my nose outside to know what the weather is. I have at least 10 websites that tell me. And what weather to expect in the next 1o days.

I don't have to call the airport to check delays on my flight. My PDA tells me if my flight will leave on time or not.

I don't remember my wife's telephone number. My cell does. I don't remember my own number. It is stored on my cell under the label "ME".

I skype with my kids who are sitting in the next room. From time to time, we have conference chats with the family to decide on important matters. Opinions on critical issues are submitted anonymously with SurveyMonkey. We have breakfast together, though. Each with our iPod in our ears.

And if I screw up in life, I always have a.. Second Life.

Inspired by The Outsourced Brain. Discovered via Betty. Picture courtesy Glasbergen and DuckDown


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