Ryanair wants to make passengers pay for the use of the bathroom on their planes.
Upgrading (or is it downgrading?) their entire fleet of 737-800s with coin-operated toilets is not an option as Ryanair operates heavily in areas using both the euro and British pound. Thus Boeing was requested to design toilets with doors that open only if you swipe a valid credit card through the locking mechanism, according Ryanair chief executive Michael O'Leary. (Full)
Ryanair denied other options included weighing passengers' #1 or/or #2 post-factum (or post-rectum), and charging $10 per kilogram of deposit as passengers would want to exit the loo. Business class passengers were to get a 10% discount.
Discussions about selling diapers tax-free were also off the table, even though mass producer Pampers said it would venture with a major UN agency, donating 10 cents per sold diaper for a good cause. Ryanair said 'filled diapers' weigh too much and weight translates to fuel consumption. They also suspected passengers would simply share the same diaper to save costs, specifically on flights to and from Holland.
BAA (Budget Airlines Association) suggested a 'fart-o-meter', charging passengers per milligram/m3 of gastrointestinal gas concentration as a viable cost recovery option.
The philosophy behind it, is sound: an electric vent would automatically be activated, when the fart-o-meter indicated a 'red alert' state. The passenger in-situ would be charged the electricity consumption of the fan. Tests however showed passengers preferred to fart in the main cabin rather than in the confined toilet space.
The "Old Farts Syndication" opposed the idea from the beginning, calling in the FFF-'Freedom of Farting while Flying' Act of 1938, forgetting it was only ratified by one Head of State: US President Bush, who mistook the Bill for the one giving extra tax incentives for citizens with yearly incomes of US$10,000,000 and above.
More satire on The Road.